Joel: My name is Joel. This is Benji, my brother.
Benji: I hate you.
Benji: This next video is Blink 182's 'First Date'... Joel's still yet to have one."
Benji: Joel needed some anatomy lessons.
Joel: that's right.
Benji: He was all twisted up...couldn't figure some things out.
Joel: ...that's right...
Benji: (introducing lifestyles video) I feel like such an asshole for introducing our video.
Joel: Benji, you are an asshole.
Benji: all right, well I think Joel gets a little sweaty and nervous when you talk to him....
Joel: Heyyy...I can't think of a better place to be than hanging out on a college campus listening to tunes and watching
Joel: yeah, you know, like songs from Default.
Benji: We never use the word 'tunes'!!! Rule number 4!
Benji: Joel gets intimidated easily
Joel: ...that's right.
Joel: *doesn't know he's on camera* Dude!!! shut up!
Benji: Joel fell off stage. He tripped.
Joel: ...this is the new vid--
Benji: It's his new most embarassing moment. EVER.
Joel: Shut up...no, YOU"RE my most embarassing moment ever....
Joel: (talking about 2003 grammy nominations) We were nominated for a grammy.
Benji: Yeah we were, but we said no.
Joel: Keep your grammy
Benji: yeah, shove that grammy.....up your ass.
Joel: Could it be anymore obvious that he was reading from a cue card!? He's like this the whole time, *looks back and
forth from the cue card to the camera and mocks benji*, "UH, RECENTLY..."
Joel: Welcome to All Things Rock, I'm Joel.
Benji: And I'm Benji...
Joel: Go to mtv.com and tell us what you think of the show.
Benji: And what you think of Joel, and if he should really be on this show.
Joel: That's right
Benji: I like dark videos. I got Frankenstein on my shirt.
Joel: *confused because Benji is random*
Benji: I started buying records kinda late. I got Nirvana's "nevermind", Rancid's first record, Joel got MC
Joel: *shrugs* Can't lie...
Joel: I really love Dashboard, if you odn't have the cd you should really check it out.
Benji: Joel listens to it and just cries, and sobs.....tears of heartbreak.
Joel: We're in a band called Good Charlotte.
Benji: Yes. Joel likes to mention that every time.
Joel: *acts stupid to distract Benji*
Benji: dude, get serious. You're gonna get us fired!
Benji: Hey, welcome back to All Things Rock, we're from the band Good Charlotte. THERE JOEL!!! I said it!!!!
Joel: Thank you!
Joel: I think if they had a California music award for the show hosts, we'd win.
Benji: True! We're really good. Well, let's check out the video, and while the video is playing we can talk about how
good we are amongst ourselves.
Post: Dear Benji and Joel, you guys are always fighting and I think since you're brothers, you guys should hug just once.
Joel: No. Sorry, no.
Benji: Yeah. Joel has this thing where he doesn't touch people and he washes his hands alot.
Benji: (reading post) Some nice person decided to post a little poll on who should get fired, me or Joel. A little contest
Joel: This should be funny.
Benji: Yeah... Well, 1% says that Joel should get fired...
Joel: Ha ha ha...
Benji: 1% says that I should get fired. That's 2%. The other 98% of people say that we should both get fired, that we
suck, we don't know what we're doing, we don't belong on MTV, we're no good... We look bad...
Joel: OK, OK!!
Benji: "Bonjour biatch! Au revoir biatch!"
Benji: "Does it piss you off? That men are better than women!?"
Benji: (talking about No Doubt's video game) I’m buying that one.
Joel: I got Play Station 2 (points at Benji), he’s got X-Box.
Benji: Billy and Paul bought me X-Box. I think they just got it so they could play with it though.
Joel: Yeah. Thanks guys, Billy and Paul. We love you guys. Anyways...
Benji: (reading post) Do you guys read actual posts or do the writers give you something?' ...Do you think that we're
puppets? I don't make this stuff. Some kids wrote these things on the message boards.
Joel: This show can't afford writers.
Benji: Do you think I write these? Here, listen. 'Benji is hot.' 'Benji is god.' 'ATR rocks.' 'Benji is cool.' I don't
think I write these. We are not puppets!
Joel: No more posts for you. (snatches posts from Benji)
Benji: C'mon Joel, who's tougher?
Joel: Okay, he is. No, wait, actually we have this dog named Cash.
Benji: Yeah, Cash.
Joel: Go to MTV All Things Rock message board.
Benji: and tell me how great I am!
Benji: *reading post* PS. Benji is a better host than Joel.
Joel: Welcome back to All Things Rock, I'm Joel and this is Benji.
Benji: Yes, I am Benji....but I am also the giver of information!
Benji: Welcome back to the best show on MTV, and we are the best hosts!
Joel: You're very confident...
Benji: Yes! I am the best.
Joel: Hey, you're watching All Things Rock and I'm one half of your hosts, Joel.
Benji: Yes, and I am the better half, Benji.
Benji: You know, personally, I haven't had any problems with being married and being on tour.
Joel: You're not married.
Joel: You never will be married.
Benji: *talking about buying a cd* you can go to your local Target store
Benji: Yes, I used to work at Target. Uhhh, long story, I got fired for painting a tuxedo on my naked body at a company
function...the punch spilled, it was a mess.
Joel: bad story....
Benji: bad story!
Chad (New Found Glory): All things ROCK! All things ROCK!!! *picks up rocks and starts throwing them at Joel*
Benji: I sorta feel like when people compare me to Joel, even though he's my twin, it's like kicking me in the face and
then punching me again.
Joel: Well, when people compare me to you it's like....
Benji: *interrupts* Let's play the next video.
Joel: *makes face because he can't think of anything*
Benji: I'm Benji, this is my brother Joel, and you're watching my show. *starts to read post*
Joel: why don't you just go ahead and read this it since you're running things right now..since you dont' do anything
Benji: Thank you, my brother, for finally recognizing!
Benji: I found a shocking one
Joel: it IS a shocking one...
Benji: "First of all,I want to say that those wannabe punk rockers from Good Charlotte are the worst hosts I've ever
laid my eyes on." *Joel looks at paper and makes a shocked face* "I don't think that they should be able to be on
TV in the first place. Why don't MTV just find any bum off the street and give them a job to host a crappy rock show?"
Joel: *silent pause* Well, my mom always told me there would be haters, just keep doing your thing. Not everyone can love
Benji: I...I don't even know what to say.
Joel: I wouldn't get a bum off the street though. You guys remember Jesse Camp?
Benji: You couldn't understand a word he was sayin'
joel: You couldn't understand "Ahyyahhayyhaah Jesse Camp?"
Benji: Hey kids, do not change that channel or I will kill you!
*Joel is lauging and shaking his head*
Joel: NO, it's alright, he's not going to kill you. He couldn't kill anything.
*Benji just stares at him*
Joel: I'm...I'm Joel and this is Benji
Benji: I'm...I'm Joel and this is Benji
Joel: *keeps talking*
Benji: *shrugs* I thought it was funny.
Joel: that's right....it wasn't funny. He's never funny *goes back to talking*
Benji: *makes funny face and starts doing the "robot"
Joel: And don't forget...
Benji: ...to give me lots of compliments!
Joel: Give him lots of compliments...he NEEDS them.
Benji: *nods in agreement*
Benji: They're going to be in L.A.
Joel: *stunned look on his face* LOS ANGELESSSSSS?????
Joel: We're standing here on this mosaic--
Benji: I made a mosaic in fifth grade out of noodles...
Joel: --very famous.... that's niiiice Benj.
Benji: This is All Things Rock and I'm Benji, and this is MY show!!! ohhh yeah, and this is my little helper Joel.
Joel: I hope they play at my wedding.
Benji: They wont Joel, you'll never get married
Benji: Oh no! One of my spikes is falling! Hair people, I need gel pronto!!
Benji: ....and we actually met Hoobastank a few weeks ago we played the Ace Festival in D.C with them and i wanted to
talk to the lead singer, and he would just run away, he looked scared and at the end of the night i cornered him and i said
"Why are you always running away, man??"
Joel: It's a BAD joke, I'm really sorry about that, kid's out there, sorry about him..i apologize
Benji: Hey I came up with that all by myself
Joel: Anyways..these guys Hoobstank...
Benji: Running away..running away..
Joel: all right, give it up, quiet. anyways these guys hoobastank....
Joel: The Hives are gaining a great fan following in Australia and...
Benji: The Hives? Australia? Dude, The Hives are from Sweden.
Joel: The Hives? *has a confused look on his face*
Benji: They're From Sweden!
Benji: (talking about people requesting a song a lot) Which means Joel here has been spending a lot of time on his laptop.
A-HA! (total fake laugh)
Joel: Shut up.
Benji: (responding to a post) I just want to say that if I was on the message board, if I do post, my name would be a
lot cooler than All Things Benji. Sorry, its not me.
Joel: Once again, people are surfing the net on someone else's......
Benji and Joel: Someone else's surfboard. (both look at each other and laugh....total twin moment)
Joel: Well my grandmother is a big fan of Good Charlotte. We're for the grannies.
Benji: My grandma watches the show so Hi Grandma! I e-mail with her.
Joel: Hi Grandma, We love you!!! *both wave*
Joel: Let's dedicate the next video to our grandma.
Joel: (speaking to the band Quarashi) Do you guys ever get tired of Benj trying to sleep on your bus?
Joel: It gets old, I know, I have to be on the bus with him.
Benji: Hey! What can I say? I'm a fan.
Joel: We'll still be on the Warped Tour.
Benji: Still having not showered for weeks.
Joel: Weeks on end.
Benji: *lifts up his arm and stiffs his armpit, makes a disgusted face*
Benji: *in valley girl voice* The last video of the night comes from the White Stripes and I think it's rally good!
Joel: Cool...umm *laughs* yeah..
Benji: You like em too? We listen to it when we drive. It's rally good.
Joel: Well you can go to mtv.com, you can go to the message board there..
Benji: Don't forget to do that.
Joel: OR you could go to goodcharlotte.com, there's a message board there too!
Benji: Hey GC kids. *waves*
Joel: Every band dreams of that....I know our band does; we have a platinum record!
Benji: We've got platinum teeth man, sup wit that?!
Benji: *reading a post* We also agree that Benji is the best host.
Joel: *actually believes it says that and looks at paper*
Benji: You know, if one kid bought a record for every one kid that said I suck..that'd be a lot of platinum records, man!
Benji: Yes, it's the greatest one hour of tv you'll ever see!
Joel: Go to the MTV All Things Rock message board.
Benji: And tell me how great I am!
Benji: Graffiti's good kids. Get out there!
Benji: Well, let's take a look at Papa Roach's She Loves Me Not, and Joel...please don't sing along.
(All Things Rock with New Found Glory)
Joel: I told you we knew NFG! I told you!
Benji: We weren't lying.
Chad: See this is what its all about...*shakes Joel's hand and gives Benji a hug, Chad's about a foot taller than Benji,
he looks like a little boy hugging his dad*
Benji: This next video reminds me of my brother Joel.... he used to walk around the house all the time.... always rockin
the short shorts.
Benji: I remember when we called Limp Bizkit to produce our video, he never called us back. I auditioned for guitarist,
he never called back. I called his mom, he never called back.
Joel: I got a red hat.
Benji: This video was shot in an old theatre... .that's where Joel lives, in a dirty old theatre....Get outta here kids!
Benji: Up next we've got a video from Andrew W.K. You know, the mystery surrounding Andrew W.K. is what does the 'W.K.'
Joel: Everyone wants to know.
Benji: Who knows?
Joel: Who cares?
Benji: Where's Korn?
Joel: What kind of name is it?
Benji: William.....K.....*thinks about it* .....k...k!
Joel: Who knows? Well, you know what? It actually doesn't stand for any of those. It actually just stands for Wilkes Krier.
That's his last name.
Benji: Sorry to disappoint you, but if you want to come up with your own little meaning, go ahead, go ahead, I'm sure
we'll see it on the All Things Rock message board....
Joel: (reading post) This post comes from GCChick20.
Benji: Joel's old screen name!
Benji: Before we get into the next video, Joel here's going to read a post from the All Things Rock message board.
Joel: That's right, this post is coming from lilbubbles009. Good, good screen name, I really like it.
Benji: Yeah, it's great.
Joel: This is questions for boys, so all you boys out there listen up and you can answer along. I'm going to read these
to Benj and he's going to answer. So, uh, number one. Why don't boys like girls with glasses?
Benji: Can't see well.
Joel: Uh, why don't boys like girls who are short?
Benji: Not tall enough.
Joel: Uh, what about girls who are quiet?
Benji: Can't hear 'em.
Joel: If you had to be stranded on a deserted island for the rest of your life, would you take a Playboy Playmate or the
Time Magazine Woman of the Year?
Benji: Neither, I'd take a guy named Joel.
Joel: (both smirk) Piercings or no?
Benji: Uh...yeah, sure.
Joel: Hoochie or punk?
Benji: Um, hoochie. No, punk. No, hoochie? Hoochie? No, punk. *has an undecided look on his face*
Joel: Well, there you go, there you go, there you go lilbubble, I hope that answered all your questions.....